Explaining To The Girlfriend! 2024
psuangler91 reply :
How do you convince your wife/girlfriend that tackle and equipment are not a waste of money? My girlfriend recently brought up the fact that I spent around $700 on tackle this summer and said I shouldn't be wasting my money! Can you believe that!
First of all That's not even that much, but since I'm only in college that's a little less than 20 percent of my total income for the year.
Also, I picked up at least twice that amount and set it down because I fought off the bait monkey and walked out of the store empty handed... ok actually one empty hand the other was full of senkos!
I'm thinking that if I make a spreadsheet comparing the amount of money i spend on her and the amount I spend on fishing she'll understand that she's probably the larger source of my financial woes. lol Probably not though.
Any ideas? I already take her fishing at a local pond and she enjoys that. Now if only i could convince her that me spending more time on the water is good for our relationship I'll be set!
Lund Explorer reply :
There is NO explanation that's going to work. The only thing left to do is to post her vital statistics along with her picture, and leave it up to the rest of us as to whether you should give up fishing or take it on full time!!!
Just kidding....
Seriously speaking, 20% of your income? Financial woes? While $700 doesn't sound like very much to me, I haven't used either of those previous terms with what I spend each year. If you keep complaining to your girlfriend that the electric company wants to put you in the dark, or if your cellphone has been shut off recently, she might be on to something. Maybe the ultimate judge to all of this should be the one woman who you will always have to respect. What does Mom think? What does your father think about what she would say about it? She's the lady you really need to worry about right now, because she's the one that should be your bailout option if it ever gets to that point.
0119 reply :
Wait till you get married and she throws in the honey do list ...
clayton86 reply :
They will never understand the only way my wife does is if the stuff was on sale I dont understand it she's fine with spending $100 if I got it out of a clearance bin but gives me he'll if I spend $20 on full price items? Gets me but I have it figured out when we walk in I go to the kids section look at clothes for the boys then shoes and clothes for her then lay onthe honey can we go to the fishing section real quick. Works every time especially with our oldest he gets as exited as me grabbing lures and sponge bob poles asking for them.
Fishing Rhino reply :
Don't expect her to change, unless you are willing to change. This is what courtship is all about, determining compatibility. It seems your fishing expenditures are a thorn in her side. Unless you can reach some sort of understanding, it will only get worse. Some people get married hoping to change the other person. That's a bad gamble that rarely pays off.
There is only one person you can change, and that's you.
slonezp reply :
If a woman can spend that kind of money on a purse(not saying yours does) she will use for 6 months until it's out of fashion, than no explanation is needed
Greed reply :
My wife enjoys going Bass fishing with me so it's a win-win situation.
RyneB reply :
My wife is very understanding. She always says she wish she had a hobby that she loved as much as i love fishing. The only thing she does that bothers me is when im bait shopping she always says "dont you already have that?" The only time she ever put her foot down was when i came in ad told her I was going to buy a Ranger for $28,000. I personally couldnt be with someone who got mad at me for buying fishing gear or going fishing. When me and my wife were having the marriage conversation i told her, "There are 4 things that are non negotiable; the Bulls, the Bears, my GTO, and fishing." Luckily i have a wife that hasnt tried to interrupt those 4 things for me.
grimlin reply :
On 12/18/2011 at 2:15 PM, psuangler91 said:How do you convince your wife/girlfriend that tackle and equipment are not a waste of money? My girlfriend recently brought up the fact that I spent around $700 on tackle this summer and said I shouldn't be wasting my money! Can you believe that!
First of all That's not even that much, but since I'm only in college that's a little less than 20 percent of my total income for the year.
Also, I picked up at least twice that amount and set it down because I fought off the bait monkey and walked out of the store empty handed... ok actually one empty hand the other was full of senkos!
I'm thinking that if I make a spreadsheet comparing the amount of money i spend on her and the amount I spend on fishing she'll understand that she's probably the larger source of my financial woes. lol Probably not though.
Any ideas? I already take her fishing at a local pond and she enjoys that. Now if only i could convince her that me spending more time on the water is good for our relationship I'll be set!
Could be worst,you could have given $700 to hookers and strippers.......What would she rather have you do? All kidding aside.
Honestly she is right,but everybody needs a hobby. It's one thing if you can afford the fishing stuff,another if you cannot.
No joke,My buddy @ work is 37 years old with no girlfriend or wife. He told this straight to my face "I rather spend it on things I enjoy,than a person who nags me about the things I love to do." He hunts,fish and parties almost 24/7.......he financed a $50,000 boat for over 15 years...and still tells me it's cheaper than a wife or girlfriend. Trust me,this guy could easily have women falling for him....so it's not like he can't get a woman.
NBR reply :
If you have financial woes then $700.00 is a huge amount. If you are in school $700.00 is still a huge amount without financial woes.
CSimon2 reply :
If your girlfriend is like this now, she will be worse when you are married. My wife used to fish with me when we were dating. She also used to go to Cubs games with me. We have been married for 10 years and she tells me how much she hated doing those things with me. She has this fear of fish, you know people have the fear of spiders. She also finds baseball to be boring. I say I was taken while we were dating, thinking I found someone who enjoys doing the things I enjoy. Boy was I wrong. She complains about all of the money I spend on fishing too. She tells me that if I stopped buying fishing stuff, I could fish for the rest of my life with all of the things I have. She does not get it because she does not have a hobby. You need to sit down and have a talk with your girlfriend and tell her this is your hobby and your spending is going to continue and she can either deal with it or get out. I have pretty much told my wife the same thing. She is still around, but still likes to complain. She cannot find any other fault in me, so she needs something to complain about. 
bassmanET reply :
Just do what this guy did!!
psuangler91 reply :
haha if she was like that I would! I've realized that girlfriends are always going to complain but they do it just because that's how their programmed. I don't think they actually even care about what they whine about because she complains for five minutes I say ok you're right and she shuts up. Then I go out and buy more fishing stuff, if she really had a problem with it I guess I'd be single right now. But I'm not so she must not really care.
A-Jay reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 12:24 AM, psuangler91 said:haha if she was like that I would! I've realized that girlfriends are always going to complain but they do it just because that's how their programmed. I don't think they actually even care about what they whine about because she complains for five minutes I say ok you're right and she shuts up. Then I go out and buy more fishing stuff, if she really had a problem with it I guess I'd be single right now. But I'm not so she must not really care.
This particular statement is debatable.
It may be an indication that you are not with the right person or perhaps she's a bit more mature than you're giving her credit for.
Also if you've expended a nice chunk of change on something for you and the last thing you got her was a Tootsie Pop 6 months ago, this could cause a bit of a problem, especially for a girlfriend. If she's simply the flavor of the month, then you may not really care. If this woman is someone you really care for, you better figure it out and get your priorities in line.
These are the "good old days" how are you spending them ?
A-Jay
Grey Wolf reply :
She's just a girlfriend not a wife. She does not have a say in what you spend your money on. Wise up before it bites you in the ***. 
zip pow reply :
I'd tell her what I told my wife well ex wife I work to fish you buy what you want and i'll buy my fishing stuff as long as your not taking food off the table there isn't anything wrong with a fishing supplys . I also told her there were three things I was going to do in life fishing working and another word that starts with an f and fishing comes first.
shootermcbob reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 1:15 AM, Grey Wolf said:She's just a girlfriend not a wife. She does not have a say in what you spend your money on. Wise up before it bites you in the ***.
Profound.
Fishing Rhino reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 1:28 AM, zip pow said:I'd tell her what I told my wife well ex wife I work to fish you buy what you want and i'll buy my fishing stuff as long as your not taking food off the table there isn't anything wrong with a fishing supplys . I also told her there were three things I was going to do in life fishing working and another word that starts with an f and fishing comes first.
That's fine that fishing comes first. You're being honest about it. Now, having said that do not get into any type of serious relationship. It will not work. Not if you truly mean your fishing comes first.
Your wife is seriously injured. You have a fishing date with a buddy. What are you going to do, go fishing, or be with your wife? You can substitute child or other immediate family member in the place of wife.
zip pow reply :
my son never complains he goes nearly everydayOn 12/19/2011 at 3:31 AM, Fishing Rhino said:That's fine that fishing comes first. You're being honest about it. Now, having said that do not get into any type of serious relationship. It will not work. Not if you truly mean your fishing comes first.
Your wife is seriously injured. You have a fishing date with a buddy. What are you going to do, go fishing, or be with your wife? You can substitute child or other immediate family member in the place of wife.
Geoff Sandvik reply :
You don't shop where I do, that $700 worth of tackle would have been on sale for $200!... 
quanjig reply :
Find someone that is happy that you fish. Also, a lesson I learned the hard way, if you truly care for this girl, pick your battles! Spread your tackle purchases out over a wider spread of time. Works every time. $700 worth of tackle in one fell swoop. I'm sure you could have gone without some of what you purchased!
scrutch reply :
On 12/18/2011 at 11:25 PM, CSimon2 said:If your girlfriend is like this now, she will be worse when you are married. My wife used to fish with me when we were dating. She also used to go to Cubs games with me. We have been married for 10 years and she tells me how much she hated doing those things with me. She has this fear of fish, you know people have the fear of spiders. She also finds baseball to be boring. I say I was taken while we were dating, thinking I found someone who enjoys doing the things I enjoy. Boy was I wrong. She complains about all of the money I spend on fishing too. She tells me that if I stopped buying fishing stuff, I could fish for the rest of my life with all of the things I have. She does not get it because she does not have a hobby. You need to sit down and have a talk with your girlfriend and tell her this is your hobby and your spending is going to continue and she can either deal with it or get out. I have pretty much told my wife the same thing. She is still around, but still likes to complain. She cannot find any other fault in me, so she needs something to complain about.
I think we married the SAME woman! I knew it!
Grey Wolf speaks with great wisdom.
scbassin reply :
Move on!
psuangler91 reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 6:24 AM, quanjig said:. $700 worth of tackle in one fell swoop. I'm sure you could have gone without some of what you purchased!
This was over an entire summer. Probably should've mentioned that. Maybe I made her sound worse than she is. We've been together for 5 years, and I definitely spend more money on her than I ever have on fishing. I just was wondering if there's a way to legitimize buying tackle even though i don't really need it.
NCLifetimer reply :
If she only made a comment then don't worry about it. If she takes your fishing expenses personally and is trying to control you, then that is another story. You be the judge.
I'm in college too, and a girlfriend would be nice, but I think I've subconsciously put that on hold until i save enough for a bass boat haha.
As far as justifying expenses, well you aren't married so I won't worry about that. If you want to humor her or feel the need to, I think the spreadsheet is a good idea. If you spend more on her then fishing stuff then you can mathematically prove she's #1 and make her feel special. If you spend more on fishing stuff, then find a different approach haha.
NoBassPro reply :
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On 12/19/2011 at 8:15 AM, psuangler91 said:This was over an entire summer. Probably should've mentioned that.
So what I want to know is if she is totaling up your receipts or if these were purchased on credit and she saw the bill.
quanjig reply :
NBP brings up a good question............ Is she keeping tabs on you.......... Is this a t!t for t@t relationship.......... If so, you need to have a serious talk with a girlfriend of 5 years. If you want things to last, you need to explain things to her and she needs to be a bit more understanding.
Fishing Rhino reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 6:39 AM, scrutch said:I think we married the SAME woman! I knew it!
Grey Wolf speaks with great wisdom.
Married the same woman? Does that make you husbands-in-law?
Fishing Rhino reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 9:37 AM, quanjig said:NBP brings up a good question............ Is she keeping tabs on you.......... Is this a t!t for t@t relationship.......... If so, you need to have a serious talk with a girlfriend of 5 years. If you want things to last, you need to explain things to her and she needs to be a bit more understanding.
Or maybe vice versa. Maybe she needs to explain things to him and he needs to be a bit more understanding.
Sam reply :
Funny topic.
I am fortunate as I don't interfere with my wife's quilting and she gives me a broad path to travel for fishing equipment.
All of the above replies are valid.
Remember, marriage is a democracy. There is only one vote and it belongs to the wife!!!!!
psuangler91 reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 8:58 AM, NoBassPro said:]
So what I want to know is if she is totaling up your receipts or if these were purchased on credit and she saw the bill.
haha no she's not a psycho, I was talkin to her about how much I had invested in new rods and stuff over the summer. She wasn't diggin through my garbage.
slonezp reply :
I'd be a rich man if I only spent $700 a year on fishing.
NoBassPro reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 12:11 PM, psuangler91 said:haha no she's not a psycho, I was talkin to her about how much I had invested in new rods and stuff over the summer. She wasn't diggin through my garbage.
Well you stated you had financial woes, I thought maybe she was trying to help you decipher your ledgers. Honestly, its not something I would bring up voluntarily unless she also likes fishing.
NorcalBassin reply :
Interesting thread to which I unfortunately do not have a good answer. Do you have a shredder??? Odds are, just about any wife/girlfriend is going to flip out if you spend 20% of your income on tackle. I suppose the question would be, would you be okay if the roles were reversed and she spent 20% of her income on her 199th and 200th pair of shoes that mostly just sit in the closet?
Last year I took some heat for all of the new gear I bought, so this year I offered to only spend the money I received in OT on fishing gear. My wife was cool with it, and I had a lot of unexpected OT that allowed me to significantly upgrade all my rods/reels. Toughest thing for me will be scaling way back for 2012 since the deal is just a couple weeks away from being off of the table. Speaking of... those Fuego spinning reels sure look pretty nice.
loodkop reply :
Reading this thread made me realise how blessed I am in my wife. She fully supports my fishing and is my main sponsor. 99% of my higher end gear comes from having her with me in the tackle shop. Most recent example: I was looking for a curado 50e and walked out with a core 50 after the salesman convinced her that it was a much better reel. I also get at least a weeks worth of fishing trip a year without any complaints. I suppose this is why I'm currently on holiday with wife and kids without rods.
SirSnookalot reply :
I really don't understand the reason for inquiring on advice. This woman is not a wife and it doesn't seem apparent she relies on you for financial support, what you do with your money is your business. If the 2 of you are planning a future together, she seems to be the one with a good head on her shoulders, I'd be listening to her.
IMO a person spending 20% of their income sounds a bit excessive. It's one thing to make (net) 500k a year and spend 100k on an activity, there is money left over to live well. I do think taking care of their obligations and planning for the future comes ahead of spending money on an activity. Making only $4000 a year, doesn't leave much even if you spent nothing on fishing equipment. I'd be digging up my own worms
quanjig reply :
I think psu is looking for advice for ways to let his girlfriend know that fishing is his deal.
Lund Explorer reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 9:45 PM, quanjig said:I think psu is looking for advice for ways to let his girlfriend know that fishing is his deal.
Yup, makes me wish I'd quit typing right before I said "Just Kidding".
Unfortunately for PSU, he came on here to pose a question for which we all had an answer. And it looks like none of us gave him the one he was looking for!
A-Jay reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 10:04 PM, Lund Explorer said:Yup, makes me wish I'd quit typing right before I said "Just Kidding".
Unfortunately for PSU, he came on here to pose a question for which we all had an answer. And it looks like none of us gave him the one he was looking for!
Me Too.
A-Jay
bman310 reply :
In all honesty spending just under 20% of your income on fishing is excessive, but your only 20 and you aren't married. As long as your fishing expenses don't affect your bills or financial obligations, I wouldn't worry about it, Have fun and remember you are only young once! As far as explaining to your girlfriend, I wouldn't try to sell her on your hobby. If she asks, just be honest. If she doesn't like just move on.
-b
psuangler91 reply :
You guys are right, I guess I am just trying to tell her that I take this seriously and it's not just some saturday morning hobby. If she cares about my dreams she'll understand. Thanks everyone for the advice... and the laughs
NoBassPro reply :
On 12/20/2011 at 12:21 AM, psuangler91 said:You guys are right, I guess I am just trying to tell her that I take this seriously and it's not just some saturday morning hobby. If she cares about my dreams she'll understand. Thanks everyone for the advice... and the laughs
So you plan on making a career of fishing? I guess that is something she should know.
senile1 reply :
On 12/19/2011 at 4:06 PM, SirSnookalot said:I really don't understand the reason for inquiring on advice. This woman is not a wife and it doesn't seem apparent she relies on you for financial support, what you do with your money is your business. If the 2 of you are planning a future together, she seems to be the one with a good head on her shoulders, I'd be listening to her.
IMO a person spending 20% of their income sounds a bit excessive. It's one thing to make (net) 500k a year and spend 100k on an activity, there is money left over to live well. I do think taking care of their obligations and planning for the future comes ahead of spending money on an activity. Making only $4000 a year, doesn't leave much even if you spent nothing on fishing equipment. I'd be digging up my own worms
These are my thoughts exactly. There isn't enough information here to really give you advice. My parents provided no assistance to me once I went to college, and I paid for my car, clothes, gas, and much of my recreation in high school. Under those circumstances, I can tell you that spending 20 percent of my income on fishing while paying my way at your age would have been a very poor decision. If you have family who assist you financially or who provide lodging, food or transportation, then maybe it isn't a problem. If you have future plans with this girl, then you both need to sit down and come to an understanding of what is acceptable to spend on fishing. If not, it's none of her business.
MrsTomustang reply :
As a lady who is an angler, I can be just as guilty of spending and just as guilty for questioning..perhaps it was a moody moment for you both. 5 years is invested time you will never get back.
Keep in mind the law of diminishing returns. Being an educated college student you should be able to see where this law is applicable to your scenario. If not, time to spend more on books and less on gear!
On a side note, open honest communication is the foundation to any human relationship. Ask her once again her standpoint. Consider it analytically and honestly and then decide for yourself and own it.
Step 1 and Step 2 to responsible relationships...they're never easy.
Take care and best of luck to you.
Branuss04 reply :
Dump the GF. Problem solved...
McAlpine reply :
Ok dude, this is going to sound harsh but....
This chick isn't your wife, it's your girlfriend. Your not married, you don't owe her an explanation on squat. You have plenty of time to explain what you do to your wife later in life like the rest of us. Don't sweat it, there are a million of them out there. When you find the right one she won't give you guff about your hobby.
Not till your married at least. ;-)
Here is the best advice you will ever get. Your young, enjoy it and don't let one dame cramp your style. Good luck.
RedNeckJake reply :
Here is what works for me... I tell my wife its all so I can take my little boys out fishing and they will have a good time! It really helps if you have children cause if you tell her that and you dont then she's gonna want to know what the hell is going on. If she thinks I spent that $500 on fishing then there is hell to pay but if she thinks I spent $500 on a weekend of memories with the kids then I'm good to go.
Bigbarge50 reply :
PSU.... my two cents are these
1- If the worst thing she can say about you is that you spend maybe too much money on fishing stuff, then you doing a good job as the man in her life. My serious gf's post college and I had some great times, but you will not always be on the same page about stuff. It always bothered me that after years together there were still certain things that I was really into that seemingly made them disinterested or anoyed. This really bothered me. That profound movie you want her to see.....she falls asleep 30 seconds into it..... or things like your fishing tackle issue..... A little older now and I realize that certain things are just not going to happen. If it is not that big a deal, like fishing tackle, then you learn two things...... not the thing to share with her, and let her vent, she'll feel better and you still have your new tackle.
2- Every woman, no matter how cool or sane, is raised in a world to dream of rings and wedding dresses. They think about it at times and places as men (esp young men) we could not even comprehend with our male brains. Your at the 5 year mark..... she is probably judging your purchases as a reflection of that money could be going to making a life with you more permenant. She can not help it. Probably not even aware of it. Happens in some weird estrogen fueld recess of the subconcious. This is why despite you spending far more on her..... she would say such things. Your male brain goes all logic with spreadsheets and total money spent. I think we all got a laugh about you presenting a spread sheet.... that would go over really well HAHAHA. No point trying to figure this one out, Apples and oranges.
What has been lost in all this...... the really important stuff....... what color were those senkos and what rods and reels did you get?
Fishing Rhino reply :
On 12/20/2011 at 1:25 PM, McAlpine said:Ok dude, this is going to sound harsh but....
This chick isn't your wife, it's your girlfriend. Your not married, you don't owe her an explanation on squat. You have plenty of time to explain what you do to your wife later in life like the rest of us. Don't sweat it, there are a million of them out there. When you find the right one she won't give you guff about your hobby.
Not till your married at least. ;-)
Here is the best advice you will ever get. Your young, enjoy it and don't let one dame cramp your style. Good luck.
When/If you meet the right one, you'll lose some, or maybe much of your interest in fishing. If she doesn't become the priority in your life, she ain't the right one.
happyhappa reply :
Hi, Love!
I hope that this reply is helpful.
I hope that I might be able to contribute to this conversation as
A) I am the NON-fishing girlfriend of a bass fishing addict (Perhaps I can offer insight into your girlfriend's feelings)
B ) I am a Doctoral Candidate in Clinical Psychology and do A LOT of couples therapy with clients (maybe I can give you relationship advice)
and
C) My boyfriend has turned me into a fishing enthusiast--- and I will lay out for you EXACTLY the way that he did it.
Allow me to begin by saying that the people on this forum are simply awesome and I am sure that you will receive a ton of suggestions and support-- I cannot begin to tell you how, through one post, these folk made me a part of their community.
I guess when I read your post, something inside of me told me that the complaints aren't really about the money that you are spending on your fishing toys. After all, I'm a girl who knows the importance of haircuts every 6 weeks to keep from getting split ends (About $70 a time for me) and getting our nails done once a month (to the tune of $8-$40). I just feel as if there must be something deeper driving her dislike of your fishing spending habits, and, if it were me, I think it would all come down to priorities. If I felt that fishing was taking precedence over me, and that my boyfriend had clearly disclosed from the start that fishing was non-negotiable, I would find a passive aggressive way to get back at fishing and reclaim my man! 
I had never been fishing prior to my boyfriend and had no interest in fishing, and yet, he has TOTALLY changed my attitude toward the sport.
Following is my account of being exposed to fishing, and all of the things that he did to make me mandate that he fish.
I have highlighted take home points in blue.
How My Boyfriend Keeps Me Hooked on Being Happy About Fishing
Those of us who haven't been exposed to fishing can be really overwhelmed, and perhaps even threatened, when first learning to interact with someone who fishes avidly.
Although I am young, I feel relatively competent to engage people in conversations about almost anything.
The beauty of being in college (assuming that she is in college, too), is that you are learning new things everyday and are growing more self assured in your ability to interact with the world.
Here I am, in graduate school, able to switch back and forth from talking to a three year old client to talking to their neurosurgeon when, all of the sudden, out of the blue, I met this really terrific guy.
I eagerly attempted to engage him in conversation, only to learn that I had NOT A CLUE what he was talking about.
We were sitting at dinner on our first or second date and all he could talk about was punching and making frogs walk and drop-shot something or rather...
I felt like he was speaking a different language, entirely, and went home and told my mother that, although he was a stellar guy, I would not go out with him again.
That is when he got me hooked.
Take Away Point: To non-fishers, fishing is a foreign language- How can she be excited about something that she doesn't understand? Make your excitement contagious and talk to her in terms that she gets, even if you aren't using the correct terminology, yet. My boyfriend says things like "walking the frog on the water is doing the same thing that you do when you try to get your cat to play with a string. You want them to jump after it like a shark!" That is a whole lot more helpful than any technical description.
I couldn't help but admire his absolute passion for fishing- this wasn't just some hobby for him, fishing was the love of his life.
I started asking him what he later coined "dissertation questions" about fishing: "When did you first learn that you love fishing?", "What is your funniest fishing story", and then the kicker, "What does fishing mean to you?".
I learned that his first ever memory was of eating an apple while strapped in a baby carrier to his dad's back while he fished, that his favorite childhood memory was the time he and his grandfather went fishing and his grandpa got a bite and threw the sandwich that he was eating in the air, and that the time when he feels most connected to God and does his best thinking is when he is out on the water.
I was so mesmerized by his absolute joy in telling me his fishing stories, and to learn that fishing to him isn't just waiting for the next big bite, its the way that he stays connected to his family traditions and gets back in touch with his inner little boy.
Take Away Point: Know what fishing means to you and explain it to her- but do it with enthusiasm. Just "I fish because I like it" isn't going to cut it. There is a reason that you get out of your warm bed to sit in a boat in the freezing cold before the sun rises and while sane people are all in bed snuggling with their favorite persons. Your girl wants to be close to you- I suggest to you the formula for intimacy, "Into Me I See". In other words, know thyself and then explain it to her with passion.
I think that the way that my boyfriend made fishing so endearing to me was watching that little boy come out, every time he fishes.
It feels like he can't wait to see me and to tell me, with such excitement, about every bite that he got, what he was doing, and what happened next.
My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, and yet, every weekend that he fishes (or should I say, every weekend), I get to see him like a kid about to go to Disneyland.
Take Away Point: People fish because they LOVE fishing- and your girl loves it when you are happy! When you talk about fishing, talk about it with all of the excitement that you feel on the inside. If fishing for you, every time, is like going to Disneyland, your girl will be so excited to see you excited!
Turning My Attitude Toward Fishing Around
I'll be perfectly honest and say that, sometimes, I get jealous of his fishing.
Again fishing was, and perhaps still is, the love of his life.
I never told him that, particularly in the start of our relationship, I felt like I was just getting the left overs when it came to him.
I felt like fishing came first- and I grew angry. I suspect that this is what your girlfriend is experiencing.
I mean, I absolutely got the sloppy seconds- the guy would work during the week and I have evening classes, so when he would spend half of his weekend fishing, I felt completely unimportant.
I don't know if he sensed it or if it was just good timing on his behalf, but all of the sudden, just when I was starting to feel hurt, he started making a BIG DEAL about keeping me involved in his fishing life.
I have broken this down into a cognitive behavioral chart of sorts, outlining how his behaviors influenced my thoughts/feelings and the way that I would react in the future:
His Action
I made him cookies once for a fishing tournament and he made a huge deal about how wonderful they were and how he shared with all of his fishing buddies and it made it the best fishing day, ever (which was a gross exaggeration--- I do not have the gift of cooking or baking and he and his fishing partner coming in 2nd in the tournament had NOTHING to do with the Nestle chocolate chips that I used)
My Feelings
I am completely special and when he eats cookies and is fishing, he is thinking of me and sharing about me with his fishing buddies- who I have yet to meet.
My Result
I now bake a couple dozed cookies for every tournament for his club buddies, without fail, and bake him something special every time he fishes (every weekend). I also can't wait for out of town tournaments where I get to bake several kinds of goodies so that there is something different for them, every day. How many other girlfriends can honestly say they are excited to have their guy out of town? His making a big deal about the baking, even though I'm sure he could have used those scones as sinkers, made me feel like a billion bucks.
His Actions
When my boyfriend goes fishing, he takes his phone and keeps in touch with me. While he doesn't do this during tournaments, which is completely acceptable, I think it is so sweet that he will send me an occasional message with a picture of the fish that he caught or the sea lion that he saw or the pretty sunrise that he watched from his boat. He has even gotten into the habit of "naming" the fish that he catches and releases, just because he knows that if I were in the boat with him, that is what I would do. It cracks me up that he comes home and says "I caught Daryl punching in the tullies, and Sharlene near the concrete pillars".
My Feelings
He is taking pictures of things that he knows that I would like, and naming fish, like I would like to do, while he is doing his favorite thing on earth. Fishing may be the love of his life, but he is thinking of me while he is fishing, which makes me almost equal
My Actions
Naturally, I want him to fish more. Hello?! If he is positively pairing me with fishing- I can't think of a way to be more flattered.
His Actions
He loves to get good deals on his tackle, and yes, like you, he does a lot of shopping. Instead of doing it all while I'm not around, he invites me along and makes it a date. He takes me somewhere fun that I would like, like the park or to dinner, and then we make our way to the fishing store together. I get to meet his fishing buddies that we bump into, play with the dog in the store, and spend time seeing him super excited to try something new. For fishing novices like me, it seems like bait is bait. What's the big deal anyway?... He takes time to explain to me the "action" associated with every bait, even if it makes us both look like idiots standing in the store. He also makes a game of who can find the specific piece of tackle that he is looking for the fastest, which challenges me to remember what the heck a crank bait even looks like. He even lets me win every now and then.
My Feelings
He is letting me into his world and wants to teach me all about his favorite thing on earth. Not only that, but I get to see how excited he looks when he is finding new things.
My Actions
I LOVE FISHING STORE DATE DAYS! I even request them! If we go through withdrawals from going to the store, he will pull out his tackle boxes and let me ask him any question that I want about a bait. He randomly tests me about his tackle and bait and makes a huge deal out of it when I get things right. As a result I learn that NOT ALL TACKLE AND BAIT IS THE SAME and the reason that he needs to be making so many purchases.
His Actions
My boyfriend and I live about 45 minutes away from one another, and so my driving to visit him, I thought, should be worth my time and gas. How is that possible when he fishes half of the day and then has all of his household to do lists when he comes home? Because of this, I started staying over Friday evenings. He leaves before I wake up, I do his laundry, clean his toilets and make him lunch while he is gone, and he comes back in the afternoon/ early evening to spend time with me. I guess the most important part of this is that I LOVE doing his household chores while he is gone. When he comes home he is so appreciative of my help around his house, and thanks me both verbally and by taking the rest of his day to spend quality time with me- whether that is allowing me to snuggle with him on the couch while he watches TV and I read or taking me somewhere special. He pairs positive reinforcement (Both verbal praise and demonstrative gestures) with my doing his chores and now I can't wait for the weekend and to say hello to his washing machine!
My Thoughts
When he gets home from fishing he is a happier person, when I help to maintain his house he is a happier person. Both fishing and I make him happy, and I am important enough to him that he does the things that I like to do when he gets home without complaining.
My Actions
Honestly, if he misses a weekend fishing, I ORDER him to go fishing at the next possible opportunity. Fishing is ABSOLUTELY VITAL to our relationship. Also, I purchase him new things to try so that he goes out more frequently. I currently have a stockpile of the things that I know that he likes (Senkos, green pumpkin black flake, etc) in a corner of my room--- I love to surprise him every once in a while with the things that I know that he loves.
When it comes to relationships, it is important to make frequent deposits in each other's emotional bank accounts. By making sure that she knows how important she is to you and telling her frequently (and not just when you are in trouble or want something), you put her mind at ease. Did you know that in order to repair even one negative statement it takes five positive statements? Interact with her positively, show her how passionate you are about fishing and invite her into your world. By pairing positive reinforcement with your fishing and fishing purchases, you influence the way that she will interact with you and fishing in the future. In order for your relationship to thrive, you have to have a strong foundation. I suggest that you talk to her often about all of the positives of fishing and let her know how important both she and your favorite pastime are to you. The roadmap to relationship happiness is paved with positive experiences and good communication- and, at least in my relationship, fishing is vital to our happiness as a couple.
I hope that this helps.
roadwarrior reply :
Geez....
You just made it to our "Best Of BassResource.com" listing.
I've been married for 35 years and this is some advice I can still
use!
Thank you happyhappa, that is outstanding!
p.s. Here is an idea for you: Buying Christmas gifts for women is a challenge
for men unless they are told EXACTLY what to buy. No shopping, just buying.
So, you might consider a new rod & reel for yourself. Tell him you would like
a St. Croix Avid AVS68MXF/ Shimano CI4 and 600 yards of Yo-Zuri Hybrid
#12. That will surprize him!
quanjig reply :
My word! NAILED IT!! Im gonna share this with my wife, she is equally gifted in making me feel that fishing is an important part of our lives. I'm sure she will be happy to see that other women have the same thoughts and actions. Thanks for the great insite!
scrutch reply :
Wow! I've been married for 13 years and I suddenly have this feeling that I know nothing.
Great post happyhappa!
shootermcbob reply :
happyhappa, just let me say ....WOW. Your boyfriend is one lucky fellow.
Thanks for sharing the insights from the woman's point of view.
redboat reply :
Guys, you're missing the point - as is Ms. Phd to be...
Wives NEED something to gripe about on a regular basis. As girlfriends they can repress this for a while but sooner or later it's gonna come out. If you deprive her of this necessary release of pent up female angst YOU are being cruel and needlessly hurtful. Now none of us wants to do that!
So, if she wants to carry on about you spending $700 (or $70,000) on fishing (which she really doesn't care about by the way) by all means ALLOW HER TO DO THIS! Just nod absently while she gripes away at you; after a half hour or so, look over at her and say as seriously as you can, "Huh? Did you say something?"
For non fishermen reading this forum (I have no idea why you'd want to do this but ok), throwing your clothes all over the floor works almost as well.
Hope this helps! I have other marriage advice, like what I told my neighbor when his wife of 25 years suddenly insisted they go to a marriage counselor. He didn't know what to do, poor guy!
I took him to a local gun and knife show, had him buy a 12 inch Bowie knife and a whetstone. I told him to sit there and not say anything, just sharpen the knife on the whetstone - and if he heard something he didn't like, stop. One trip, no more marriage counseling!
redboat reply :
I've been married for ten years, by the way. My wife isn't the best housekeeper in the world; since she works full time I figure I can either shut up about that or do it myself. So i shut up.
The other day she was off work. She'd worked all day cleaning the house. When i got home around 6 she was exhausted, asleep on the couch. I looked around, houose looked pretty good.
"Joy," I yelled at her, "get up! Somebody broke into the house!"
She jumped up, "Huuuhh?"
"...they stole all the dirty clothes off the floor!"
Fishing Rhino reply :
Somebody's having fun with this.
roadwarrior reply :
I'm having fun, but there is no need to be nasty.
So a couple of posts have magically disappeared.
J Francho reply :
Fishing Rhino reply :
Who was being nasty? I wasn't even aware a couple of posts had disappeared.
J Francho reply :
That's the point.
Bass Junkie reply :
JFranco..... You're just wrong!!!!
Fishing Rhino reply :
On 12/21/2011 at 6:11 AM, J Francho said:That's the point.
I still don't get the point. My post was quoted by RW. Since I didn't see the posts that "disappeared" I could not have been referring to them. Apparently my post was misunderstood.
psuangler91 reply :
Wow happyhappa, I'm pretty sure that's the most insightful journey into a woman's psyche most of us on here have ever read! Thank you, hopefully by next winter my girlfriend will be as happy as you and buying me rods and reels for christmas.
J Francho reply :
On 12/21/2011 at 6:20 AM, Fishing Rhino said:Since I didn't see the posts that "disappeared" I could not have been referring to them.
Exactly!
tomustang reply :
Suckers, I got the perfect wife 
roadwarrior reply :
Fishing Rhino,
Nothing was directed at you my friend. You saw the posts that
were deleted and my comments were directed there, not towards
you.
I think this thread has been enlightening, at least for me. My wife
just doesn't care, which has been fine by me. However, the suggestion
of bringing her into that part of my life appeals to me, especially now
that we have recently become "empty nesters".
SoFlaBassAddict reply :
On 12/20/2011 at 5:45 PM, happyhappa said:.... Long post ....
Got a sister?
MrsTomustang reply :
Gentlemen...you NEVER, EVER want to fully understand our psyche.
I appreciate Happyhappa's contribution 100% but to try to understand female psyche.... 'the mind functioning as the center of thought, emotion, and behavior and consciously or unconsciously adjusting or mediating the body's responses to the social and physical environment.'.... Is as difficult as reconciling quantum physics and general relativity...at least string theory has a couple constants. :-)
Honestly, our center of influence and control goes as far as our OWN psyche and that is challenging enough.
Understand yourself. Self-awareness is critical. Our propensity to attribute behaviors to others is directly proportional to how we understand ourselves and our emotional baggage we carry around.
As an example, I may have personal past experience where I have been questioned about what I spend money on . Perhaps I grew up witnessing my mother nag relentlessly my father about money. If I am not aware of the impact to my psyche then next relationship, my boyfriend simply makes a statement about what I have bought and I recall the past and apply my emotional response to this situation. I have applied erroneously previous situational emotions to an innocent query.
Guilt is always a great one to seek external justification on. Again..own it...
Understand yourself and then you can seek to understand others.
quanjig reply :
I'm dizzy.........
slonezp reply :
Women are nuts, men are stupid, and life goes on.
lazeebum reply :
This is an interesting thread. I think the comparison of Disney Land was accurate. That is the way I feel when I throw my leg over the bike or back the boat down the ramp. Good read happyhappa
psuangler91 reply :
On 12/21/2011 at 7:42 AM, MrsTomustang said:Is as difficult as reconciling quantum physics and general relativity...at least string theory has a couple constants. :-)
Haha I got an A in that class but I don't think I could have passed "The female psyche 101"
S Hovanec reply :
Guess I got lucky with mine! She doesn't seem to care what I get. She even went as far as telling me to order the boat that I wanted instead of 'settling' for something that I wouldn't be happy with.
StinkyBass reply :
On 12/18/2011 at 9:56 PM, Greed said:My wife enjoys going Bass fishing with me so it's a win-win situation.
Hey mine too! you cant go wrong there! BUT she didnt like it at first. had to teach her how to flip and pitch, use cranks and spinners, when and were and all that stuff! while i dont spend a huge amount on fishing gear (or at least not as much as i would like to) i had to buy her a rod that she liked. one that felt good to her and THEN she got it. she was using one of my "hand me downs". try showing her why you spend so much... but on the other hand, shes not married to you... why is she worried about your budget? unless you've bough more stuff instead of taking her out and spending money on her! that could be a BIG prob! good luck
S Hovanec reply :
On 12/21/2011 at 11:36 AM, StinkyBass said:i had to buy her a rod that she liked.
I made the mistake of building her one! It's been downhill since.
msolorio reply :
my gf doesnt quite get why i love fishing so much but shes very supportive of me doin it n wantin to try to do it for a living. that being said, i never ever ever take her with me when i go to tackle shops cus i know shell complain shes bored, look at the prices of some items n not really flip out but have an opinion, or ask "do u really need that?" answer being yes i do, please dont start =) second i never telll her when i buy tackle or how much i paid for the said tackle. when she does see the total on some reciepts n gives me crap i tell her, i bust my butt for the money i have, my bills r paid, theres gas in the truck, therefore i will spend my money n however much of my money on whatever i want when i want simple as that. shes not really an outdoorsie type of girl so shell never understand how i grew up n why i enjoy some of the things i do just like i dont understand why she loves shopping at the mall n spending the amount of money she does on clothes n other items shes gonna us for a month n forget about but hey thats women. all this bein said, its ur money, ur passionate about the great, amazing sport of bass fishing, shes not ur wife therefore has no say in what u buy or how much u spend so tell her to chill n get ready to see u spend more =)
NorcalBassin reply :
Wow HH... that was a great response. Thanks for taking the time to enlighten us a bit.
K_Mac reply :
A very interesting and informative thread.
I have been married to the same women for 35 years also. She likes to fish nearly as much as I do, and often outfishes me. She also understands that an occasional fishing trip with a buddy or a weekend trip with the guys is a necessary part of my mental health program. She is far more patient than I am, as shown by her not throwing me out years ago. We both enjoy a trip to Bass Pro and treat it as a date. We have more than once spent more on gas and lunch than tackle, other times we have spent a bundle. We have a great time either way.
Now on topic, I will say that money issues probably cause more grief in relationships than any other. This is not based on any scientific study, just my own experience and observation. It took my wife and I several years to learn we had to work together as a team when it came to how we spent our money, and it is an issue that we have to revisit from time to time. It is worth the effort.
As our very smart ladies have pointed out, women are complex creatures. A smart women who is an equal partner is a wonderful thing. She has strengths in areas where I have blind spots, and we are better together. I learned a long time ago when I treat my wife as I should, I am rewarded many times over. Just my thoughts. Good luck.
mikeeasttn reply :
Thanks HH. That post is going to help me alot. Once again thanks for post.
Triton21 reply :
From day one dating in high school I told every girlfriend I FISH & HUNT and if you can't deal with that now is the the time to say so. I kicked many to the curb over the years. I am 68 years old and married to a woman who understands my passion and knows I love her dearly. You have to do what is right for you or you will never be happy.
Kelley
RyneB reply :
When i first met my wife, i talked about fishing a lot. She admitted to me the other day that she just thought i did it every so often and was more of a hobby. When we moved in together she realized it was a passion. She says she only gets upset because she doesnt have a passion for anything like I do fishing. Me paying all the bills while she pays for nothing helps her deal with me spending money on fishing gear. As long as you can afford to put food on the table, roof over your head, and gas in the vehicle. I feel you can spend as much as you want on whatever you want. Fishing gear she deals with, i accumulate quite a bit of guns, that she doesnt understand. Cant win em all i guess.
redboat reply :
On 12/21/2011 at 3:21 PM, K_Mac said:A very interesting and informative thread.
I have been married to the same women for 35 years also. She likes to fish nearly as much as I do, and often outfishes me.
So, couple years ago I was scheduled to fish in a end of Jan tourney on a power plant lake, water is 90 degrees on the discharge side and cools off as you go around it. I convinced the wife to go with me to prefish.
We spend three days seeing all kinds of bass (the water was chrystal clear) but not even a nibble. I'd thrown everything in the tackle box.
So it was 3 Pm the last day, was about to bag it. She was bored, was throwing a wacky rigged Senko on 6 lb P-Line flouro on her little spinning rig. Instead of letting it settle to the bottom then twitch it she was jsut throwing it out, reeling it back in. Dang thing was running on the surface.
I was pretty frustrated; this was about the last straw! I yelled at her, "Cut it out already; you KNOW you won't catch anything fishing like that!!!"
That was when the bass hit. She yelled, "ohmyGodIgottafish!!". Fortunately (we were in heavy hydrilla) the bass swam parallel to the boat, heading for open water no doubt. She was able to get her next to the boat; I reached down, spooked the fish which took off under the boat. Wife's reel was howling as the drag ran out.
She cranked the bass back under the boat; this time i tried a net - same thing. Happened three more times before I was able to net the bass, bigest dang fish I ever saw; her eyes must have been big as half dollars. We weighed it: 10 lb, 6 oz. Caught on 6 lb P-Line. Took a couple pics with the cell phone and released her. One of the pics is now my wife's Facebook picture.
Lessons I learned:
(1) I've used nothing but PLine since. I still string the wife's spinning rigs with 6 lb. I use heavier line, 10 lb on spinners, 12 or 15 on baitcasters;
(2) When I see something I just KNOW isn't gonna work I keep my mouth shut;
(3) Now the wife wants to go fishing every Martin Luther king day on that same lake, which is fine with me;
(4) Three inch wacky rigged Senkos may be a "girl bait" but you can dang sure catch a big fish on 'em!
K_Mac reply :
Redboat, it used to be that she would almost always catch greater numbers and I would catch the bigger fish, That is no longer the case. I have to stay focused while fishing with her or she will whoop me in numbers and catch the biggest fish. I grumble when this happens, but the truth is when I'm fishing with her I get as much joy from her catching a nice fish as I do catching one. 
Do not tell her though, I like to whine when it happens. Now if she catches a 10-6, which would be a solid 3 lbs bigger than my PB and 4 lbs bigger than hers, it would be big deal. I would be jealous but I would try to be gracious about it. 
I use 6# P-Line CXX on all of our spinning gear. It works well also.
redboat reply :
On 12/22/2011 at 3:41 AM, K_Mac said:I use 6# P-Line CXX on all of our spinning gear. It works well also.
Seems to have better knot strength. Or maybe I just don't know how to tie knots - whatever. I use 100% flouro on the spinning rigs and 12 lb 100% flouro on two of my baitcasters; CXX on the other two. The flouro works well on the baitcasters, makes a good crankbait rig, doesn't seem to backlash as often as some other flouros I've tried.
Truthfully, I was almost as excited as she was to catch that huge bass. It hung halfway out of the net when I finally got it netted.
I usually outfish the wife in numbers and weight, especially since for the last three years she'll only fish wacky rigged Senkos. When those don't work she doesn't catch anything but I can't blame her for staying with them. If she starts catching 'em on her Senkos I switch to them also. I even occasionally drag the Senko across the surface.
I love my wife - only female I know who can actually back a boat trailer down the ramp.
J Francho reply :
You can be real sloppy with your knots using CXX. It's pretty forgiving, as long as you wet the line. It'll also take simple knots well, like a plain old cinch knot. Whatever it lacks in suppleness, it makes up in strength in other areas.
redboat reply :
I'm learning more about knots, trying to get better. I've used Palomar knot pretty much exclusively for the last few years but have been experimenting with some others, especially Rapala knot for Pop-Rs. I may try that one for crankbaits, see how it works.
I always wet the line, and try to only pull the tag end for the Palomar. Any tips you or anyone else can give would be much appreciated.
P-Line is awesome. I gave my fishing buddy I.M HaungUp all the other line I'd accumulated. I get a kick put of listening to him cuss when he gets a backlash or breaks off a brand new crankbait.
scbassin reply :
HappyHappa, that was a good read, but the way I see it is they are not married & she on him about his money. What happens if they get married & it becomes shared money? He will be toast. Me I am out of there before it gets expensive later.
redboat reply :
On 12/22/2011 at 12:16 AM, Triton21 said:From day one dating in high school I told every girlfriend I FISH & HUNT and if you can't deal with that now is the the time to say so. I kicked many to the curb over the years. I am 68 years old and married to a woman who understands my passion and knows I love her dearly. You have to do what is right for you or you will never be happy.
Kelley
My ex wife's grandpa was 93 when he passed, was married for 70 years to the same woman. Just before he died he told me they'd never had an argument in all that time. When I asked him to explain his secret, he told me about the day they got married.
He had a wagon and mule; they rode to his farm in that after the ceremony. Suddenly the mule stopped. He got out, walked around, looked the mule in the eye, and said, "That's one."
The mule started back up but stopped again in a few minutes. He got off, walked around, looked him in the eye and said, "That's two."
Well, sure enough, it wasn't long before the mule stopped again. Grandpa got out, pulled out his shotgun, and shot the mule in the head. He fell over dead. His new wife said, "Hey, you shouldn't have done that!"
He looked at her and said, "That's one."
MrsTomustang reply :
On 12/21/2011 at 11:15 AM, psuangler91 said:Haha I got an A in that class but I don't think I could have passed "The female psyche 101"
Thought you may appreciate that.. haha
Now, my young educated friend, let's go back to the comment on law of diminishing returns and I believe you have your 'Eureka!' Moment.
kms399 reply :
wife used to give me crap about how much I spend on hunting and fishing till I started pointing out all my buddies going out to bars and blowing $100 a night on drinks and games! suddenly a $70 spinning reel that I will use for 5 years doesn't seem like such a big deal. I haven't been in a bar in probably 6 years. my hobbies keep me drinking at home lol
Raider Nation Fisher reply :
700 on fishing gear over the course of the summer ain't nothing. Heck I used to spend more than that in a month just partying in college. Probably has a lot to do with why I was asked to leave. However seeing as how I dont party or do much of anything aside from fish and shoot anymore. My wife pretty much leaves me alone about how much I spend on my fishing. At the same time though it helps to be reasonable and not break the bank on what you buy. Basically its all about compromise. She has her hobby and I have mine. We don't spend more than what we can afford and everything works out fine.
I can't get my wife to fish with me, try as I might. However she ALWAYS shoots with me. Girl is scary good with any form of handgun or assault rifle. She isn't worth a flip with a scoped rifle, but she really isn't to interested in learning how to shoot and compensate with one. But she knocks holes in a quarter at fifty yards with her AK47 with iron sites. I remember the first time we ever went to the range. I had bought her a .22 target pistol so as not to scare her away from the sport. After about twenty minutes she got bored with it, and grabbed up my Glock .45. Ol girl started going to town on some silluettes with it. She was hitting 3in groups at 25 yards. It was her first experience with firearms. We were getting ready to leave and I had set up one more target and was calling shots out to her. She shot a smiley face on it then said this is my last round watch where I put it. Girl drilled that target dead center in the lower region. We still have that target upstairs. That range trip was the moment I knew that I had found and married not only the perfect woman, but also my best friend.
jojo&laken reply :
Well i travel for a living and when i come home i like to fish so you can imagine the amount of profanity wy wife uses. Everybody is right they will never like it unless your KVD or somebody that brings home 100,000 grand a week or whatever it is but if you can get on her nerves without making her mad she will tell you to go or you can do it the normal way and earn some brownie points
urp reply :
1st tell her you're going to assign her a corner then tell her it's her business when she wants to pick herself up out of it.
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