Convincing The Misses That My Fishing Addiction Is A Good Thing? Help 2024
drodriguez reply :
So I have been an avid fishermen for as long as I can remember. I started out fishing salmon and trout, then discovered bass fishing on my own. 2 years ago I married my wife. So she new I was into fishing before we were married, but I don't think she realized how into it I really was. I am not a fisherman. I am not a weekend warrior, in fact, I despise that term. I AM a fishing addict. A Bassaholic. A Fishing Fiend. You get the picture. So many of you know what I'm saying, ya cant go to work without thinking about fishing, you cant fish without thinking about more fishing, you cant stay home without thinking about fishing. Sleep will not come until you think about fishing. Her problem: You spend too much time and money fishing. My problem is her problem. I have offered to take her fishing with me, she will no longer do so as a result of a mishap while I was trout fishing a local pond with her. Trout were biting good until she stood on top of the hill 15 feet above the crystal clear water with a bright red chair and other bright colors. I asked her as nicley as I could to move, and that was that, she wont come fishing with me anymore. I've invited her on many trips since, only to be declined every time after. Its become such a problem that I cant talk to her about my number 1 passion. She doesn't want to hear it. How do I get her to know this is actually a good thing? How do I show her it hasn't taken her spot in my life or whatever she could possibly be thinking. How do I get her to have more interest in my outings? To get her to go with me again? I love it when she does- so long as she brings a good attitude, patients, and a book to read. I love her there, her company is appreciated. HELP???
flyfisher reply :
How did she not know before you got married how into it you were? and also, the whole asking her to sit down because of bright colors thing was a completely bad move as you basically were telling her she was a nuisance for being out there, even if that wasn't your intent that is how she took it. On a side note, that whole bright colors thing is just an excuse. I had a bright red jacket that i wore fishing many days and it never changed my fish caught..
if she doesn't want to go she isn't going to go....have you offered to go do any of her hobbies or interests?
BridgerM reply :
My wife of almost 6 years just told me tonight I am obsessed with fishing. When Im not fishing im reading about it or buying gear or tackle. And she said I get excited like a child when I leave for a trip. And come home bummed out if we get the skunk. I always invite her to come along, sometimes she will and sometimes she claims she doesn't even like it. Women are women. Sometimes the things they are mad about are our fault. Sometimes it has nothing really to do with us. Just be nice and accommodating, they will find something else to be mad about in a minute or two.
drodriguez reply :
I dont know how she didnt know. Yes, none that I am wiling to fess up about. I didn't tell her to sit down, I asked her to move a couple inches behind a tree so as the fish couldn't see her. You are right about how she interpreted what I said. It was like God himself turned his back on me and let her say and do exactly what she wanted. lol.
drodriguez reply :
While I agree with the whole part of shell find something to be mad at you about in another minute or two, I also believe its time to get it settled. Solve the problem. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to want to solve it, shed rather complain about it. Come on, man, can I win?
bigbill reply :
If I wasn't hooked on fishing I'd be either at the casino throwing the money away or drinking it.
At least I can walk into my tackle room and see where my money has gone. I still have it but it's in fishing equipment.
I can't put a price in watching that big hog turn as she strikes my lure after she hit it thinking she knocked it silly. What a rush. Then to see my line moving away from me and she's on the other end. What more can I say.
Take her bass fishing at 4:30am and watch the sun rise. There is nothing on this earth that can match mother nature as she turns the dark of night into the light of day. No one has a better view than we do. It's not just bass fishing. Look for the deer getting a drink and watch the fawns being splashed by the freshwater otters at twilight. Listen for the beaver tail slap.
How can we not enjoy fishing?
We were on our honeymoon camping and fishing. After we got home from Niagara falls were it rained all the time, boring. We did that 40 years ago. We're thinking of doing it again for our 40th anniversary this month. Going fishing besides camping too.
We still have that flame.
Get up early, take her out for a nice breakfast then take her fishing and let her fish.
tatertester reply :
Drod you better find an optional place to live prior to the heart to heart your planning.....You could try the old "Mayo Clinic says"about fishing being good for your health and a great stress reliever...I'd do this well away from the kitchen so as to aoid her grabbing a sharp object.
drodriguez reply :
I like how yall are thinking. I may try and persuade her to wake up nice and early on a weekend not to far from now, take her to breakfast, and then pound the banks. Thing with letting her fish is she doesn't posses the want for it. When she used to come with me she would bring a book, kick back in the shade, and read, completely oblivious to what was going on around her. Ill point out an Eagle. She doesn't even look up. I know I cant change her, but its still a part of my life that I REALLY want to share with her. Ive tried tellin her that Im not going out to strip clubs, drinkin in excess, cheating, or doing whatever else a person could be doing. No luck. In fact, I just about had to start duckin and weavin. Women. Cant live without them, cant understand them. What do you do? Really?
ClackerBuzz reply :
my #1 rule when taking women or children fishing:
leave my rods at home. if ur hands are free it means you can help them with ur hands, and mind.
it makes the experience so much better b/c you focus solely on helping them catch fish.. and that makes them addicts 
Lund Explorer reply :
If you don't mind someone playing the devil's advocate, a simple question. Before you got married, didn't you consider the fact that adding someone into your life might somehow change the way you lived it?
Unless the two of you met at a Bass Anonymous meeting, the odds are that she doesn't have the same affliction. If you've been paying attention in those meetings, you'll recognize the fact that the problem is yours and not hers. But there is a cure!
Marriage was meant to be a long adventure into the future together, and not a sprint to the finish line. With that in mind, you just need to tone down your approach, and gently get her into the sport. Understand that she isn't addicted, and probably never considered why her standing along the bank in bright colored clothing would do to the fish or to you. Imagine how much easier it would have gone if you had taken the time to explain what to wear, and how to walk/sit along a bank before you got there. I could even see you earning some brownie points for taking her shopping for some fishing appropriate clothing.
I had the something like the same problem when I got married to a woman who wanted to learn how to fish, but couldn't tie a hook on, bait the hook, or take off any fish she caught. It was an absolute chore to take her bluegill fishing because I was constantly baiting hooks, unhooking fish, cleaning and cooking them. The only thing was really good at was eating them! After almost 40 years, she is better at some of those things, but she will never get to the point where I'm at.
My advice is to admit to her that you have the problem, agree to take it slow, keep it simple, be happy with what she has the ability to learn at whatever pace she wants to take. It's the same approach you are going to need to take with any children the two of you may be blessed with.
BuckMaxx reply :
Brad Paisley wrote a song about it... I am gonna miss her.
Many years ago I had this gal living with me. A buncha buddies and I jumped in trucks and headed to the lake. When I returned I found all my stuff piled in my yard. She had her ex husband come over and help her move my stuff out of my house and change the locks on MY house! True story.
G8RBob reply :
You should fake an interest in other sports, such as golf. Mention to her the cost per round of gold, plus the equipment and the lessons. All of a sudden, fishing is a very cheap sport, by comparison.
drodriguez reply :
G8R that's such a sneaky way to do it it may work- or make me listen to I'm gonna miss her by brad paisley. Too much a gamble. Lund, your thinkin on the matter is probably close to perfect. I know I can't be the only person who has a zero tolerance policy on fishing ignorance such as wearing bright colors, walking to hard, throwing rocks (my dad about killed me when I was a kid for that) and I need to tune that down some as it tends not to discriminate. Buzz, I would have absolutely no problem with leavin my gear at home, problem is I can't get her on the lake even without gear. And she doesn't fish really. She reads. I suspect the only reason she went with me as much as she did was because it was something that got us together. Not for the catching. But I still miss her company sometimes, and want to talk to her about my outings. Especially as I start up tournaments this year or next. Thank you, gentlemen, as I now believe I have the idea as to what I should do about it. Its simple, really. Shut up. And get into golf.
skeeter1980 reply :
After reading this post several times about your problem,concering your bass fishing addiction.my question to you is this.When do you find time to do anything with your wife?I mean when is the last time if any,you stopped thinking about yourself,and spent time alone with your wife?Do you go to the mall with her and carry her bags,while she goes from store to store?I was married for 27yrs,to the perfect wife.We got divorced,because I didn't know what I had.Well I knew,I just took advantage of her.I was out in the yard one day putting a new lawn mower together.A friend stopped by from the bass club,said lets go fishing.I said here hon,finish putting this together.I loaded up the boat,when I got home,the grass was even cut.We are planning on remarring this summer.Back in the 80's I fished tournaments,I had it bad for fishing.She nevered said a word.But when we got back together,I made up my mind,that this time it will be about her.I still fish,but now it's her breakfast and dinner cooked for her.I do the cleaning of the house,I do the laundry.What i'm trying to say is this.Don't lose your wife over your addiction.And don't think it can't happen.
Coopdog72 reply :
drodriguez I don't wanna harp on you man, I feel your pain. Look you need a plan one that doesn't involve fishing, you have to build that connection with her back. Women want the man she tolerates his hobbies as long as they don't hinder her time with him. I know it wasn't your intent but when you asked her to move ...behind a tree,man.. That's like telling her to go sit in the car. I've noticed 2 things in my marriage 1) some wives just like watching their husbands do what they do( fishing golfing) or just knowing he is out there having fun 2) when said husband comes back he has to put some work in(like work release) it's time to see what she needs or wants. Thank her for..... I... want to say, "letting you go fishing" ( but you wouldn't like that phrasing ) thank her for allowing you some me time. I tell everyone men or women, we forget to do those things that helped their partners fall in love with them. Like fishing, once the fish is on the hook we stop working the bait.
And my mother in law says
, find a spot to go fishing that you can pitch a tent, go the night before, buy. Bottle of wine, sit by the campfire and just talk to your wife. Then get up early in the. Morning with just her fishing pole and take her to the lake to go fishing, bait her hook for her, show her how to throw the reel and watch the sun come up as your sipping your coffee. Put some romance into the experience!! After she is into it a little bit ask her if she minds if you go and get your pole to do some fishing too. After you guys have caught some fish, let her sit and relax while you clean the fish and you guys can have a nice romantic fish dinner together..now that you have caught your fish you have also caught your wife's heart. Take the sport out of it for the day and put the romance into it! :-)
AK-Jax86 reply :
Mine is fine with my fishing addiction. We lived in NJ before we moved to FL and it was only a 40 min drive, doing the speed limit, to Atlantic City. So me and few of my boys were there atleast 3 times a week. She much rather me be doing what I am doing now instead of hanging around the casinos living the fast life so to speak. But have to thank Atlantic City because I got extremely lucky a bunch of times and that has allowed me not to have to worry about the bait monkey lol.
I'm actually going back to NJ to visit friends & family in a few weeks but I am staying away from the casino and going to head to North Jersey to do some fishing with a BR member. Want to target some smallmouth bass since I can't fish for them here in FL hope to get some
CYP reply :
nomarriage.com
gripnrip reply :
If she knew, perhaps she is like other women. She figured she could change you. Life is too short. Go fish. My wife isn't into the outdoors. That is okay to me. I like my alone time.
I do go places with her and have a honey do list like every other married guy. I also take in to consideration her feelings. I ask her if we have plans. If we don't I tell her I'd like to go fishing or hunting. Most of the time that is all it takes. She knows how much I love doing it and encourages me to go when she knows I need to reboot.
I'll also mention this is my second marriage. The other one ended on bad terms. My hobbies weren't the reason we split. I practically did no hunting or fishing. I gave it up because all she did was complain. Never again will that happen.
fish365 reply :
Go fish and don't worry about it. One of you needs to be happy, just saying.
Raul reply :
For me it was simple, whenever she even dared to say something against my sport the reply was: well I could spend my time in strip clubs like some of my friends do, I could spend my time watching soccer games and drinking with my friends, could spend my time playing poker and drinking and finísima the night in a strip club, could be doing drugs, as a veterinarian I have legal access to some really cool pharmaceuticals, and the list can go on, soooooo, "hunny, me and my compadre are going fishin ! " , " have fun dear ! " that's what she says.
drodriguez reply :
Good points. Meybe I'll give up on gettin her to come to the dark side. It may well be its just not her thing I guess.
lmbfisherman reply :
On 4/28/2014 at 9:03 AM, drodriguez said:Good points. Meybe I'll give up on gettin her to come to the dark side. It may well be its just not her thing I guess.
Just like she can't stop you from fishing and you can't make her go with you. Just compromise, it is nice to have a hobby and passion but you also have to remember once you made a commitment it isn't just about you anymore. If you want to stay married with her, you have to work it out.
bigbill reply :
I'm married for 40 years today. When you figure them out let me know. I have no clue God bless there little hearts.
drodriguez reply :
I been married two as of the 21st (April). No where near 40 years. Congrats. I guess if u haven't figured em out yet I'm just gettin started. Lol
Swampstud reply :
I feel for ya. My current girlfriend likes to fish with me, but hates that ive got a bit more skill. She'll quit fishin if i start catchin too many, but she does give it a heck of a try. She doesnt complain enough to get upset about boxes,videos, new rods n reels that show up at my door. Even has offered to help fund my boat restoration project. With that said, she does NOT, let me repeat DOES NOT take critism well. Doesnt matter whether its me tellin her drivin is scary or you should try this or that while fishing, its a tread very lightly sort of thing. Ive come to the conclusion after many arguements and pounding my head off the wall just trying to help that, just let em figure it out on there own. As long as it not goin to physically harm em. Oh once i was teachin my ol lady to shoot bow, she sticked her index finger right infront of the feild tip and was bout to release. I knew what would happen if i told her but very calmy told her to move her hand and let the bow down, she wasnt happy at all UNTIL i showed her with my hand what she MIGHT have done had she released an arrow. She got teary but thanked me.
With that being said..... things were totally opposite with my furst gf of 4+ years. She didnt bother to ask how many i cought, or if i even went fishing... i had a boat for 2+ years and got her in it once, after pulling teeth. She nagged n complained for about 45-60mins before i had enough and loaded the boat n left. Always complained about spending money, so much so my dad heard it once n set her straight.i bought a portable drill, big deal. She split which sucked butwas a major blessing aswell. Years later i found out it was mainly cuz i have an addiction to the outdoors. Ive told myself since then, if a women doesnt like me for who i am, right theres the door. This is what i do and who i am.
So youll have to figure out whats most important to you!!
From my experience you cant force em, enjoy your own time.
Thankfully i found someone that joins me and understands why i love to do this. I am truly thankful. Today even, i took my ol lady out to learn how to throw my 7'baitcaster. She complained the first few casts, but i just give her a couple simple instructions and walk away fishin the bank. Standing there i see repetitive 40+yard casts ploppin in front of me, looked over an said " darn that didnt take long, good job"
SirSnookalot reply :
I'm happy as hell my wife has no interest in fishing, she's doing me a favor.
Master Bait'r reply :
On 4/26/2014 at 11:54 AM, drodriguez said:Its become such a problem that I cant talk to her about my number 1 passion. She doesn't want to hear it. How do I get her to know this is actually a good thing? How do I show her it hasn't taken her spot in my life or whatever she could possibly be thinking. How do I get her to have more interest in my outings? To get her to go with me again? I love it when she does- so long as she brings a good attitude, patients, and a book to read. I love her there, her company is appreciated. HELP???
This does not bode well. She is now jealous of fishing and that will not change- once she's decided it's a bad thing it's 100% a bad thing and don't even bother trying to talk it out- logic has no place in a scorned woman's mind and you scorned her when you put catching fish above her enjoyment in telling her to hide behind a tree (lol... rookie move!) I wonder what it is about certain women that makes her want to simply own a man though? It's as if you don't love them if you don't cast aside every other ambition in order to just sit around and be ready to make them happy at a moment's notice. It's as if enjoying something else besides their company means you don't love them. One thing is certain though- if the wife isn't happy, you won't be. She will continue to make you feel guilty for doing what you love until you either a- put her in her place or b- make concession to her and come to an agreement that leads to finding a happy medium... and only you can know which- and to what degree- will apply to your situation.
Good luck!
Felix77 reply :
Does your wife have a hobby or passion which drives her. If so help nurture that sometimes. I discovered fishing after marrying my wife. I also helped her discover photography. Now we share our stories with one another. On occasion when I am fishing and she is taking pics alongside me are priceless.
bigbill reply :
Sometimes a picnic lunch helps. Or a nice dinner out and a movie. You need to bond tighter with her. You need to win her over to the outdoors.
The ratio of women fisherman in my family is 4 to 2. That's four that fishes.
Choporoz reply :
On 4/28/2014 at 11:24 PM, Felix77 said:Does your wife have a hobby or passion which drives her. If so help nurture that sometimes. I discovered fishing after marrying my wife. I also helped her discover photography. Now we share our stories with one another. On occasion when I am fishing and she is taking pics alongside me are priceless.
Wow!! Almost exactly what I was going to type! Two great passions that complement often, but also afford each of us to explore our hobbies independently at times. Its a perfect match for us. My wife loves going fishing with me - and she outfishes me on numerous occassions....but other days, she ends up spending half the day shooting from the boat. I'm more than happy to run down the lake so she can get a good shot at a bald eagle.... if she continues to be great with my fishing.
bigbill reply :
No relationship is perfect. Even at being married for 40 years it's still a work in progress. We never argue but we understand each other's needs and respect that. We need to do things we both like and dislike at times. I go with mine to plays at times. It's ok but I'm a big burly steelworker, ironworker kind of guy. I just don't belong watching Sally met Harry with kissy, kissy, and huggy, huggy while I'm thinking about that next 4am bass trip the whole time but I go. Harmony and happiness comes first.
After 40 years she likes shooting with me. Go figure how many times she refused to go. Her girl friend and co worker is like my sister and now my misses is wanting to try everything now. I'm taking them both fishing soon. Shooting too. My misses took the ccw course and has her own gun I purchased for her. She likes shooting paper. Life is short and flies by so enjoy everyday.
Basswhippa reply :
On 4/26/2014 at 7:53 PM, skeeter1980 said:I was out in the yard one day putting a new lawn mower together.A friend stopped by from the bass club,said lets go fishing.I said here hon,finish putting this together.I loaded up the boat,when I got home,the grass was even cut.We are planning on remarring this summer.Back in the 80's I fished tournaments,I had it bad for fishing.She nevered said a word..
Classic "good hearted woman" there. LOL Classic story. We need more women like your X wife and soon to be new again wife. LOL
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